I'm More Sad About This Show Ending than Game of Thrones

Like many, I eagerly waited to see how the game of thrones would end. I tore through the books available at the time shortly before the first season of Game of Thrones aired, and look forward to reading how George R.R. Martin himself would write the ending of the story.

And like many, I was disappointed in the turns taken by Game of Thrones that felt inauthentic to the characters. Especially, this was a show that failed many of its female characters. They took Brienne, who we watched grow into a strong, independent, and honorable knight, and reduced her to Carrie F***ing Bradshaw. They justified the horrible things that had happened to Sansa as character-building. (No one can make you be someone you're not. Sansa, the strength was inside you all the time. Littlefinger and Ramsay don't get credit for that. If anyone does, it's the strong women in your life, like Brienne and Arya.)

But while I'm disappointed in how the show ended, and a little sad that it's gone, I'm honestly more sad that this show is over:

Who would have guessed that a musical comedy TV show would take on some very important issues with such authenticity? Here's just a few of them (some spoilers ahead, so read on only if you've watched the show or don't care about being spoiled):

Women's Issues
Just as a short list, this show tackled periods, abortion, women's sexuality, motherhood, and body image in a way that never felt cheap, judgmental, or cliché. It was the first network show to use the word "clitoris." The relationships between the women on the show felt real and the conversations were about more than simply the men in their lives. It didn't glamorize women's bodies - in fact, it pulled back the curtain on many issues related to women's appearance and projection of themselves to the world.

Men's Issues
The show didn't just represent women authentically - the men were fully realized characters too, and never props or plot devices. Crazy Ex-Girlfriend explored men's relationships, fatherhood, and toxic masculinity and how it affects men.

Mental Health
I could probably write an entire blog post just on how this show represents mental health issues. The main character, Rebecca Bunch, is diagnosed with borderline personality disorder in season 3. And in fact, the show was building up to and establishing that diagnosis from the very beginning. The show constantly made us rethink the word "crazy" and helped to normalize many mental health issues - and when I say normalize, I mean show us that these issues are common and experienced by many people, while still encouraging those struggling with mental health issues to seek help.

The show also tackled issues like low self-esteem, self-hatred, suicide, and alcoholism, without ever glamorizing them. Instead, it encouraged us to take better care of ourselves, and recognize when we have a problem we can't handle ourselves.

Bisexuality
When bisexuals show up in other movies or TV shows, they're often portrayed as promiscuous - people who are bi because they want to have sex with everyone. Either that, or they portray it, especially among men, as someone who is actually gay but not comfortable with coming fully out of the closet. Not Crazy Ex-Girlfriend.

Race and Ethnicity
This show has a diverse cast. And unlike many shows with "diversity," none of the characters are tokens. In fact, race and ethnicity aren't referenced so much as heritage. Further, the show pokes fun at the token concept. One great episode deals with Heather's ethnicity. Her boss, Kevin, encourages her to join a management training program because she is "diverse." Later, he gives her a gift to apologize for his insensitivity: a sari, because he assumes she is Indian. She corrects him; her father is African-American and her mother is White. The extra layer here is that the actress who plays Heather, Vella Lovell, has been mistakenly called Indian in the media, when she, like her character, is African-American and White. So this episode not only makes fun of the concept of the token, it also makes fun of the media trying so hard to ascertain and define an actor by her race.

Crazy Ex-Girlfriend, I'm really going to miss you.

Why Same-Sex Marriage Laws Matter

According to the CDC, suicide is the second leading cause of death among teenagers and young adults. Those rates are even higher among individuals who identify as LGBT. But a recent study out of Johns Hopkins University found that legislation to legalize same-sex marriage is connected to a 14% drop in suicide attempts among LGBT teens:

Researchers say suicide attempts among high school students fell by an average of 7% following the implementation of the legislation. The impact was especially significant among gay, lesbian and bisexual teenagers, for whom the passing of same-sex marriage laws was linked to a 14% drop in suicide attempts.

Julia Raifman, co-author of the research from Johns Hopkins University, said she hoped the research would help to draw wider attention to the scale of the issue among sexual minorities. “I would hope that policymakers and the public would consider the potential health implications of laws and policies affecting LGBT rights,” she added.

The study uses data from the Youth Risk Behavior Surveillance System, a large survey conducted every 2 years by the CDC. 32 of the 47 states included in the study have same-sex marriage policies, so the researchers were able to look at trends across time (before and after the legislation passed) as well as between states that have legalized same-sex marriage and states that haven't. A secondary analysis was conducted looking specifically at sexual minorities. They identified a respondent as a sexual minority if he or she responded as gay, lesbian, bisexual, or not sure, when asked “Which of the following best describes you?”

The study looked specifically at suicide attempts because that information is captured in the data; a participant who succeeded obviously can't respond to a survey, but the study still provides important data that demonstrates why this legislation is so important. Even among teenagers who didn't identify as a sexual minority on the survey, suicide rates were lower in states with legal same-sex marriage. The teenage years are a difficult time, where people are still trying to figure out who they are. Even if they aren't struggling with their sexual identity, it's a still a time of struggle with greater identity, and legislation that demonstrates acceptance would probably help any teenager struggling with his/her identity to feel validated. Based on their study, they estimate a decrease of 134,000 suicide attempts by adolescents each year.

The main issue with the study is an issue with any studies using survey data: response bias. There could be bias in who responds to the survey as well as how honest they are in their responses. If anything, the survey will likely underestimate both the proportion of teenagers identifying as a sexual minority and the proportion of teenagers who have attempted suicide; not everyone will feel comfortable sharing that information, regardless of whether the survey is anonymous.

The full-text of the study is available at the first link above.

Marriage, Anniversaries, and the Striking Down of DOMA

Today is a very special day. Today I celebrate my third anniversary of marriage. Today is also the day that the Supreme Court ruled the Defense of Marriage Act (DOMA) unconstitutional. I feel very privileged to share my anniversary with a day that I hope signals massive change in how we view the construct of marriage.

In the distant past, a wedding was a luxury generally afforded to the wealthy. Common law marriages were established so that the poor could still be considered married, even if they could not afford to go through the ritual of marriage. Even in more recent centuries, when the United States was expanding Westward, many towns did not have a church, and so couples would move in together and start their families, and have the wedding when a circuit rider (a pastor, usually of a Protestant denomination, who rode around preaching to the settlements) came around and could perform the ceremony - sometimes months or years later.

Today, weddings are still an expensive undertaking, but there are many options for people. Small wedding chapels, justice of the peace ceremonies - hell, you can even have Elvis marry you in Vegas, something I half-jokingly referenced multiple times while my fiance and I complained about wedding planning and its costs. A wedding, and marriage, is no longer a luxury of the very wealthy.

Instead, it is the luxury of the straight. It has been used as a new form of division,  this time not between the wealthy and the poor, but between the heterosexual and the homosexual. Say what you will about the religious underpinnings of the concept of marriage - the way we think of marriage today is as a contract between two willing parties. Two people who wish to be bound together in some way, whether that be under God, under the State, or all of the above. Even among people who generally think of marriage in the same way (say, as a contract under God), the definition of marriage will still vary widely. I'm sure my idea of marriage differs very much from others who share my faith and religious practice. It's a very personal concept and decision.

So even in the face of all that variability - as well as all the variability in opinions on gender roles (don't even get me started on that one - this blog post would be way too long) - why do so many people still insist that marriage is only to occur between a man and a woman? And further, why is there this belief that allowing a man to marry another man, or a woman to marry another woman, will somehow change the definition and meaning of a given couple's marriage? Like I said, the definition and meaning is a very personal thing. And nothing anyone else does can alter it.

I'm happy that I was able to marry my husband. And I'm happy that others, who have been denied this privilege in the past, will hopefully soon be able to share this institution.

Thoughtfully yours,
~Sara