Sunday, March 20, 2016

Bulldogs, Wildcats, and Bears: NCAA Bracket Mascot Face-off

I've joked in years past about creating an NCAA bracket based on which mascot I think would win in a fight. I decided to sit down and put one together for the first round, and because I didn't have time to post until now (when round 1 and for some games round 2 is already over), we can see how this bracket did!

South Region

Jayhawks (1) v. Governors (16) - The first matchup is a mythical bird against a politician. In cases where the mascot is made up, I based my assessment of that mascot's abilities based on drawings and logos. You may call me biased, but in this case, I decided that the Jayhawk would win.


Actual outcome: Jayhawks win!

Buffaloes (8) v. Huskies (9) - While anyone who knows me know I'm partial to puppies, I picked buffaloes.


Actual outcome: Nope - huskies win!

Terrapins (5) v. Jackrabbits (12) - So for this matchup, I had to ask an important question: what the heck is a terrapin? After some googling, I discovered it's a turtle.

I hope you laughed as hard as I did when you realized this matchup is between the tortoise and the hare.


We all know how that story turned out. The tortoise and the hare race; the hare, confident in his win, decides to take a nap, but oversleeps and ends up losing. Thus the moral of the story: naps are fine in moderation, but not when you have something important to do.

That's the moral, right?

Anyway, even though the match is a fight instead of a race, I picked the terrapin.

Actual outcome: Terrapins win!

Golden Bears (4) v. Rainbow Warriors (13) - This would likely be a fierce battle between the warrior and the bear, but I think the bear would emerge victorious.

Actual outcome: Nope - Rainbow Warriors win!

Wildcats (6) v. Shockers (11) - Contrary to what I originally thought, the "shocker" is not a bolt of electricity. Rather, it refers to shocking (harvesting) wheat. No offense to farmers, but my money would be on the wildcat.

Actual outcome: Nope - Shockers win!

Hurricanes (3) v. Bulls (14) - Note for this and all subsequent matchups - Mother Nature always wins.

Actual outcome: Hurricanes win!

Hawkeyes (7) v. Owls (10) - A "hawkeye" is not a real thing, just part of a real thing, unless you mean this hawkeye:


The logo, however, is a rather pissed off looking hawk, which would probably defeat an owl in a fight.

Actual outcome: Hawkeyes win!

Wildcats (2) v. Bulldogs (15) - These are two of the most common mascots from the tournament. In fact, even my alma mater were the wildcats. But has anyone ever looked up 'wildcat' before? They're not that impressive:

You might think this guy is snarling, but the caption of the original photo said he was yawning. No, really.
Wildcats are about the size of housecats. While bulldogs aren't a lot bigger, they could easily win in a fight.

Actual outcome: Nope - housewildcats win!

West Region

Ducks (1) v. Crusaders (16) - The crusaders would probably eat the duck for dinner.

Actual outcome: Nope - ducks win!

Hawks (8) v. Bearcats (9) - Contrary to their name, bearcats aren't the perfect combination of bear and big cat. They're more like pandas or raccoons. In which case, the hawk would probably win.

Actual outcome: Hawks win!

Bears (5) v. Bulldogs (12) - Once again, the poor bulldog wouldn't stand a chance.

Actual outcome: Nope - Bulldogs win!

Blue Devils (4) v. Seahawks (13) - Seahawks sound pretty tough, and in just about any other matchup, they'd probably win. But they would probably be outclassed by devils - blue or otherwise.

Actual outcome: Blue Devils win!

Longhorns (6) v. Panthers (11) - Despite their impressive horns...


longhorns are pretty docile. A panther could easily take one out.

Actual outcome: Panthers win!

Aggies (3) v. Phoenix (14) - An "aggie" is actually a shortening of the word "agriculture." So this matchup is between a farmer and a phoenix. Seeing as how the phoenix can't really be killed, it would probably win.

Actual outcome: Nope - Aggies win!

Beavers (7) v. Rams (10) - While beavers could probably do some damage with those long teeth, a ram would probably do more damage.

Actual outcome: Rams win!

Sooners (2) v. Roadrunners (15) - "Sooner" is a nickname for southern settlers, who could probably best a roadrunner, as long as they don't get their products from Acme.



Actual outcome: Sooners win!

East Region

Tar Heels (1) v. Eagles (16) - A "tar heel" is a person from North Carolina. I think an eagle would probably win in a fight, mostly because when I think of "person v. eagle" I think of this:


Actual outcome: Nope - Tar Heels win!

Trojans (8) v. Friars (9) - I'm sure friars could do some damage if they absolutely had to fight, but trojans would probably be better equipped.

Actual outcome: Nope - friars win!

Hoosiers (5) v. Mocs (12) - People from Indiana or shoes. Um, people

Actual outcome: Hoosiers win!

Wildcats (4) v. Seawolves (13) - Just like seahawks, seawolves would probably be pretty tough, especially against a housecat.

Actual outcome: Nope - Wildcats win!

Fighting Irish (6) v. Golden Hurricanes (11) - Once again, my money is on Mother Nature.

Actual outcome: Nope - Fighting Irish win!

Mountaineers (3) v. Lumberjacks (14) - This would be an amazing battle between two nearly-equally-armed foes, but I think the lumberjacks would ultimately win.

Actual outcome: Lumberjacks win!

Badgers (7) v. Panthers (10) - The badger could probably do some damage (at least, if it's a honey badger) but the panther would probably be better at fighting.

Actual outcome: Nope - badgers win!

Musketeers (2) v. Wildcats (15) - Another wildcat matchup. I would choose musketeers.

Actual outcome: Musketeers win!

Midwest Region

Cavaliers (1) v. Pirates (16) - This was a tough one, though not as tough as another match below. I think the cavaliers might be better armed than the pirates in a one-on-one fight.

Actual outcome: Cavaliers win!

Red Raiders (8) v. Bulldogs (9) - I would never condone armed men going after a bulldog. But if it had to happen, I'd bet on the raiders.

Actual outcome: Nope - bulldogs win!

Boilermakers (5) v. Trojans (12) - Though Trojans would probably win other matches, I'm not sure they could take on a guy with a blowtorch.

Actual outcome: Nope - Trojans win!

Cyclones (4) v. Gaels (13) - Not to belabor the point, but my bet's on Mother Nature.

Actual outcome: Cyclones win!

Pirates (6) v. Bulldogs (11) - Again, armed men going after a bulldog. What's with you people?! But once again, I'd bet on the pirates.

Actual outcome: Nope - bulldogs win! I really need to have more faith in the bulldog.

Utes (3) v. Bulldogs (14) - Okay, lesson learned. I pick bulldogs over people of Utah.

Actual outcome: Nope - Utes win!

Flyers (7) v. Orange (10) - I had no clue what to make of this one. If you base this match entirely on mascot appearance, you have a wing versus an anthropomorphized piece of fruit. I seriously flipped a coin to pick the winner: orange.

Actual outcome: Oranges win!

Spartans (2) v. Raiders (15) - Again, a close match, but I think the spartans would ultimately win the day.


Actual outcome: Nope - Raiders win!

Final accuracy: 17/32 or 53.1%

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